Artist Survival Kit Contents

OSB Briefcase: Become the itinerant artist you’ve always wanted to be with our multi-functional OSB briefcase.

Emergency Private View Tie: Doubles up as a luggage strap. Perfect for private-view-athons at a range of institutions (posh & artist-led).

Artist Pronunciation Guide: Don’t look back in Ingres with this indispensable guide to the complex world of artist’s names (laminated).

‘Where’s the toilet?’ Sign: Don’t disrupt longwinded theoretical discussions with prosaic language. Use our internationally recognised toilet locator. Accepted at all major European art institutions. Not to be used in Mike Nelson installations.

OSB Perfume: Smell as good as your studio. International curators go mad for it.

Artists Energy Drink: Power through late night screenings or proposal deadlines with this calorific food replacement (to be used in conjunction with ‘Where’s the toilet’ sign).

Stool Attachment: Your very own curatorial platform. Easy to assemble (although people with a 3D background have an advantage).

Art Magazine Covers: Impress fellow peripatetic artists with your dedication to art criticism with these handy covers. Two paper clips included.

Spotters Sheet: Break up the monotony of artist-led tours with this fun and impromptu game (laminated). Play on your own or as a newly emerging curatorial platform.

Rubber Stamp: Save time and energy filling in guest books. Remain illusive and the shows will roll in!

Origami Hat Instructions: In between galleries? Caught in a shower? Grab your copy of Variant and assemble your very own head shelter (not to be used in extremely wet weather conditions or on a gondola). 

Fake i-Phone: The power you need. In your hand. Curated i-Phone covers, for every private view.

Emergency Collar: Blend in with an air of mystique by wearing this collar at openings.

£ Canister: Avoid drink donations by pleading poverty with a handful of small change and cheap fixings. 

Using Format