Curate Me Out

‘Let the Waiters see the Curator!’ (as Bruce McLean may have said)

Pilfering the format’s of ITV’s Take Me Out and Blind Date, Curate Me Out involved BAZ setting up three curator-artist ‘dates’ 

Hosted by Jessica Voorsanger as Andy Warhol, Thomas Gainsborough and Claude Monet 

Featuring the Aura of Jonathan Watkins (AKA J-Dubz)

Curators: Helen Legg Bristol Spikers Firm / Helen Jones / Walsall S.N.O.D Firm / Mona Casey Margaret St Massive Firm 


Artists: Cathy Wade / Katy Woods / Liam Gillick’s cat / Robert Grose / Georgie Park / Bob & Roberta Smith / Juneau Projects / An Endless Supply / Dan Burwood

Winning lucky couples were invited to spin The Duchamp Wheel of Fortune to determine their date:  

  • The Arts Council HQ in Manchester - The Hive - to see the honey producing process from start to finish. You’ll end the day by taking part in their daily ‘waggle dance’!

  • You’re be joining the West Midlands Cub Scout Association, as they enjoy a day of basic flyer origami at Eastside Projects. 

Curate me Out formed part of a commission for The Event 2011. It was subsequently performed live at Palais De Tokyo as part of Nick Boreo's Rosbif Nuits. 

Curate Me Out Questions

1. I have included you in a group show of international significance. Unfortunately, after popping out for a cigarette you leave the fire escape open and all the work is stolen just before the private view is due to open. I blame you, saying that you have an hour to rescue the exhibition or face career suicide. What do you do?

2. I have asked you to make a piece of work for an exhibition in the gallery learning department, that also includes a number of sculptures by school children. You have made a sculpture from two fresh blancmanges and some rotting fruit (a banana and two satsumas). The kids seem to love the jelly and fruit, but a few anxious parents are questioning whether the sculpture resembles a pair of breasts enveloping a set of male genitalia. How do you explain yourself to the worried parents?

3. I am a member of The EEC. No not the European Economic Community, but The Early Email Club. I like to send my emails earlier than any other curator, and have established an enviable reputation amongst my peers. Recently, false rumours have been circulating that I employ an intern to send my emails at 3.00 am every morning. How would you quash these rumours and restore my reputation as the earliest emailer of them all?

4. I have mistakenly arrived at the wrong private view. It’s not the group show curated by my good friend Han’s, but a busy student show of dubious quality. I have been surrounded by admiring students competing for my attention. Not wanting to be rude to the students, I give you ‘the eyes’ across the room, signaling that you need to get me out of this situation, without damaging my reputation. What would you do?

5. You have spent the last eight months on the dole reading the complete works of Karl Marx. You are a fervent believer in the evils of capitalism. I have two of your recent paintings on my wall (Money Madness & Fiscal Insecurity). A wealthy friend of mine is interested in buying a ‘significant’ amount of your work - and money is not a problem. What do you do?

6. I have taken you along to a meal with the City Council’s arts funding executive, who I am hoping will fund the building of a new project space at the gallery where I am a curator. Unfortunately I have forgotten my wallet, and you have maxed out your overdraft. We have both eaten our meals, and are been asked to contribute for the food. How would you help me get out of this tricky situation?

7. We are on a long train journey to Glasgow International with a large group of international curators. Someone starts to complain about a smell, which rapidly takes over the whole carriage. I realise that it is an old egg sandwich that has been in my bags for weeks and the seal must have broken. Can you help me out with your artists ingenuity and get me out of this situation?

8. I come to pay you a studio visit with a reviewer from Art Review, who is writing a lead article on artists studios. The reviewer isn’t that interested in the work that you’ve put out, but he mistakes the carefully swept pile of rubbish in the corner of your space as a piece of work, saying that he wants to put this post-materialist paradigm on the front cover of Art Review. What do you do?

9. After a successful exhibition opening, I persuade the entire ‘hyped up’ crowd (over 50 curators, critics and artists of international status) to join me for a meal at an old favourite restaurant of mine in a ‘hard-to-get-to’ part of the city. Arriving slightly ahead of everyone else, I discover that the restaurant has been turned into a fast food chicken outlet called Mixy Chicken. You have just arrived on your new super fast fixed gear bike, and I turn to you for help. What would you do to help me out?

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